Author’s note-7/30/2014: I am no longer proud of the fact that I wrote this. I apologize for it, and recommit to never writing like this again. I have written an apology for it on this blog. Please see it here.
It’s been interesting following the Israeli-Palestinian conflict escalate over the past few weeks. It feels different this time. I think the world is taking notice of that. The completely unprovoked kidnappings and murders of those three boys, the non-stop rocket barrages, the media circus constructing its three rings, and the arguments for both sides: Israel’s right to defend itself vs. the disproportionate amount of casualties experienced by the Palestinians. Of course, if Hamas had its way, there would either be no disproportion, or the disproportion would be in their favor. Thank God for Iron Dome, a short range missile defense system designed to intercept and destroy rockets before they reach their destinations. It’s an impressive bit of technology, with close to 90% accuracy. Since the beginning of the most recent conflict, only one person has died as a direct result of rocket attacks in Israel. Iron Dome, with God’s help, is keeping our brothers and sisters safe.
As the conflict drags on and the argument continues to rage, I’ve noticed certain similarities in the arguments between the pro-Israelis and the pro-Palestinians and the arguments I have with people who are part of the cover-up culture concerning sexual abuse (whether out of malice or out of ignorance).
What I find most interesting, is that many of the people, specifically the more right wing communities, which are typically the most pro-Israel and its right to defend itself, no matter the cost in collateral damage, are the same people who condemn victims and their relatives for coming forward to the authorities as mosrim (informants) because of the slightest chance that the accusations may be false, and because of the devastating effect the indictment, trial, and incarceration of an abuser with a wife and children may cause to his family. Never mind the fact that the likelihood of an allegation being false is miniscule, and the number of reported rapes is only 40%. Never mind the fact that of the 40% reported, only 10% are arrested, and only 3% will actually sit in a prison. So careful are these people with the lives and reputations of alleged abusers and the potential damage to their families, that they would force the victim into silence, further revictimizing him and endangering the community. And yet they have no problem with the amount of collateral damage Israel inflicts while fighting Hamas in Gaza. I’m not taking a position on Israel’s acceptable threshold for collateral damage, but the hypocrisy is clear.
I can hear you rolling your eyes, accusing me of building straw-men in favor of an argument for a cause many feel is overblown and exaggerated, but just spend an hour or two listening to Curtis and Kuby, or Geraldo Rivera in the morning, and you’ll hear tens of people, from every Jewish community in New York and New Jersey, calling in and unanimously supporting the bombing of and military incursions into Gaza—many of those communities have covered up and continue to cover up abuse.
Fewer than 50 Israelis have been killed in the recent conflict. According to Al-Jazeera, approximately 800 Palestinians have been killed. Not many frum (right-wing- religious) Jews would disagree with Israel’s tactics in Gaza. Hamodia, a frum newspaper which refuses to publish any stories about sexual abuse in the community because its editor is protecting her readers’ “right not to know,” has published several editorials justifying Israel’s tactics and collateral damage. The same with Yated, another frum paper that will never print a single word about sexual abuse. Fewer than 50 Israelis have been killed. Close to 800 Palestinians. Apparently that price is acceptable. 800 Palestinians for 50 Israelis.
1 in 3 women, and 1 in 6 men will be sexually abused in their lifetimes. According to RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network), sexual abuse victims are 4 times more likely to kill themselves, 26 times more likely to abuse drugs, and 13 times more likely to abuse alcohol. Of course the frum world likes to tell itself that the numbers are way lower in its communities, a theory which can never be refuted because people are too scared of the consequences to ever answer a survey on the subject. They’re scared of losing shidduchim (prospective marriage partners) for themselves or their families, of being thrown out of or denied admission to schools, and being shunned in their synagogues. The consequences have been made very clear, and the stakes have been set very high; reporting, except under very specific, limited, and completely arbitrary circumstances, is unacceptable, and will result in your life being made a living hell within the community.
I’ve worked with sexual abuse victims, victims whose abusers were never reported because of pressure, either implied or direct, from their community to stay silent. I’ve seen the effect silence has on victims. I’ve seen kids turn to drugs and the streets, seen them kill themselves, seen them throw their lives away because they’ve been so devastated by monsters who are elevated and respected while they’ve been discarded by their community. Thousands of our children die every year, and even more leave their religion behind, and hundreds of abusers are allowed to walk free, because of the remote possibility of 2% collateral damage. And yet, somehow, an 800 to 50 ratio of dead Israelis to dead Palestinians is ok.
My aim is not to take a side in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I’m not qualified to make the decision on how much collateral damage is acceptable to protect a country’s citizens. I’m not a learned man, nor am I the leader of a nation. I prefer to leave that determination to my betters, to people more experienced. My aim is to provide perspective, and ask for consistency in our fights against our enemies. I am not minimizing the loss of Israeli lives and the tragedy each loss is, not only to the families of the victims, but to the nation as a whole. That is not my goal. I am simply imploring the people in a position to affect change, the people who are faced, every day, with life and death decisions, the people who are aware of abuse and have thus far chosen not to report it, to please value the lives of your children, the lives of your loved ones, the lives of your brothers and sisters who are suffering and dying because of sexual abuse, as much as you value the lives of your brothers and sisters who are suffering and dying because of Hamas.
Israel, thank God, has Iron Dome, which protects it from 90% of Hamas’ rocket attacks. Please help be the Iron Dome for our children. God willing, Israel will see peace soon and never know war again, and never again will a child know the pain of sexual abuse.
3 thoughts on “When Iron Dome Can’t Protect Us From Our Enemies”
This article reveals an interesting anecdotal correlation. However, I feel there is an overlap between two different groups of people that take away from the clarity of your insight. You mention first of all those that support Israel’s right to and method of defend itself and secondly those that support Israel’s right to and method of defending itself while also disregarding the non-terrorist Palestinian lives lost. And this difference is significant because someone who does not care about death is obviously lacking in some form of humanity while someone who definitively supports a response to terrorism that elicits many civilian deaths is not necessarily in the same category. Also, you state that you do not want to take a side in this conflict, yet you throw in statistics that have no bearing on your comparison but do make a statement on your view of the conflict. Does the difference in number of casualties have bearing on the morality of a war? If Israel have more casualties than the Palestinians, or if the number of casualties was exactly equal, would the “price” then become “acceptable”? I felt this needed to be pointed out. I’m struggling to read this article as something other than an opinion on the conflict alone, but then you ask for “consistency in our fights against our enemies.” Again, numbers do not signify the “acceptable” quality of fighting…and before I go off on a rant about the disaster of matching Hamas’s tactics in an attempt to gain consistency, I hope you can clarify what you meant. I appreciate your integrating current politics but, at the very least, it takes away from your points about rape-silencing.
My point was not to comment on whether or not allowing collateral damage is a good idea, or how much collateral should be acceptable. The fact is, however, that the collateral damage is wildly disproportionate in this conflict. Now, the question is whether or not people find that disproportion acceptable. Many people do, for quite a few reasons. Some blame Hamas for every civilian death thus absolving Israel of their culpability in killing them, some just accept that it’s what happens in war, and some simply don’t care about the lives being lost. Again, I’m not commenting on the validity of those reasons.
Given those numbers, and the fact that people are ok with it, it would stand to reason that those people should have no problem with collateral damage in other conflicts in which their fellow Jews are involved, but that’s not the case where sexual abuse is concerned. Statistically, the likelihood of a false report is between 2% and 6%. That’s a tiny amount of potential collateral damage, and yet, people who find collateral damage acceptable in other conflicts, find it unacceptable in this conflict even in such tiny amounts, to the point where they choose, not only to not engage, but to prevent others from engaging or even protecting themselves or their children. It seems to me that if you’re ok with collateral damage, you should be consistent. Again, that’s not a commentary on whether or not collateral damage is acceptable in war, just a commentary on an apparent inconsistency.
And it’s more than anecdotal, which is why I specifically provided sources which have supported Israel’s actions while refusing to engage in the “war” against sexual abuse. I hope I made myself clear.
Thank you for clarifying about the consistency issue. So you were not asking for consistency in war tactics but consistency in a Jewish demographic’s response to the Israel-Hamas conflict, which was meant to expose the ridiculous rational for silencing rape. However, your correlation is still anecdotal. Its not a fact that those who silence rape will always support Israel’s actions or vice versa. It is only a unidirectional pattern that you noticed (unidirectional in that you focused on the right wing Jews who make it a point to silence rape and from there pointed out that they also apparently don’t care about civilian Palestinian lives). I get that you saw this correlation and realized it presented one more way to show the hypocrisy and evil of encouraging silence in the face of a life-altering crime. But you did not address your stating that a difference in number of casualties dictates the moral aspect of a war and that a change in numbers can somehow make war more acceptable. Civilian deaths are never acceptable, but they are not more or less acceptable in comparison to other deaths. Well, I think I already explained why that logic is flawed. Thanks for explaining though because I now get the point you were trying to make.